It has been two months now since I last took my meds for my mental health condition. I stopped taking it abruptly as I did not want to be dependent on it and I also wanted to see how I would improve over time. My journey was a thrill ride so far that has unexpected twists and turns at each corner.
The first thing that I struggled with was my sleeping habits and patterns as my medications helped me with it. I could not get in a comfortable sleeping position that would allow me to fall asleep. Thoughts are constantly racing in my brain with vivid details. It was not anxiety or worries but just a sense of rushing brain waves that made it difficult to settle down. At times I would not be able to sleep for a day and I have weird sleeping hours from morning till afternoon. I considered myself lucky to even have a six hours sleep at least.
My emotional capabilities have been coping well so far. It was not as bad when I was first diagnosed. I would still experience intense sadness at times but then I will distract myself with being productive. Doing things that meant something to me like writing, reading and even working. At times I do feel restless just by being at home and going out does help me to release that feeling.
In terms of my anxiety, it does affect me at times but I would not let it ruin my day. There will be times where I get worried because of silly little things but I know that it will be better if I got out there and strive for the day. I would consider these little things to be an obstacle that I have to overcome now.
Overall, I would say that my journey has been blessed so far. It is definitely difficult to just go cold turkey especially with some of the conditions acting up again. However, I have been managing so far and I felt that I have been doing well. I have not felt this great in years and I do feel that the meds that I took had not given me a variation of emotions. Now, I can feel happier comparing to the past where I don’t have any feelings. I am looking forward to the day where I can say that I have overcome my condition with great success.